The Highs and Lows of 11:11
Sunday, 13 November 2011 01:28 | 
Written by Quirin |
| Blogs - Spiritual Information |
In these hours post 11:11, I think it’s important to relate what some might consider to be an unusual effect of all the high energy celebrations and events of this most auspicious date. So many of us have been in preparation for this day for a long, long time – looking towards the number on the calendar as a sort of sign post at which we had all agreed to come gather, all of us from across the Globe. I know I can say it is the largest gathering of Lightworkers I have ever witnessed within the scope of this one lifetime, and it was an amazing series of events of which to be part. I was in and out of the energy flows all day long, as well as before and afterwards – after a rather enduring odyssey with illness that had also resulted in a serious lack of sleep for weeks previous, as well as having been inordinately busy for several weeks beforehand.
Honestly, I was not sure I was UP to it, on some levels. But on others, I was INEXORABLY CALLED. Had I been near to DYING, I could not have stopped my almost involuntary participation in the doings of the day. Part of me had been hardwired to do ‘whatever it does’ at that time, regardless. I was only conscious of running energy intermittently. It was mostly just like I was simply a vessel to be filled, and it was all an automated process.
I am not one known to have many ‘mystical experiences’. The few I can say I am certain I have had have been poignant and singular. My spiritual path is a terribly mundane one. No angels dancing in my living room, no disembodied voices telling me mysterious secrets, no journeys out of the body, no aliens landing in my back yard, no Masters inducting me into the Galactic Federation of Light, no dictated books (dang, that would be nice...) – nothing. Everything I get is SO subtle in its nature that it is nearly imperceptible even by MY over-inclusive self. But there are times when the subtle flow is so unmistakably trying to TELL me something that it is undeniable. That has been the case again, here lately. Another blog for another time, about the endless synchronicities that flow in moments... quite the story around that one theme, alone.
At any rate, I had participated in the Fire the Grid Worldwide Meditation at 3:11 am my Pacific Coast time, after having arisen at 6:30 the previous morning, having run all day the previous day and having had only a few scant hours of sleep during what one could perhaps marginally call ‘the night’ of the night before. (I rarely go to bed before 1 am, as a rule.) I was both euphoric and likely half dead at the same time. Into the second week of pretty serious bronchitis, on steroids and antibiotics that weren’t really doing the job, sleeplessness, hyperness, and an unending Call to be serving in some energetically strenuous way (the weeks previous had been all about the Occupy movement – which I have since had to shelve for a little bit due to illness and strain and LIFE). I’d then laid down for a couple hours after that initial meditation, arisen for the usual morning routine, fallen down again for a couple hours, arisen in time to prepare and make an appearance for the local 11:11 observance, then fell down again.
So sick. So tired. And I felt the cosmic energies streaming through me like fire. Alternating, in periods. I would run really cold for like 20 minutes, then super-hot for approximately the same amount of time. As I joked later with a friend, NO – it was NOT hot freaking flashes. I KNOW what those feel like, and they are not like THIS. I would feel the rush of something flowing through me, head-to-foot and I would get really hot. Then the flow would slow and cease and I would cool off. It was like that from midday on the 10th all the way throughout the day on the 11th. Never had hot flashes like that, thankyouverymuch!
Then, later in the afternoon, something that SHOULD have been insignificant happened – that no one had intended, that no one devised, that no one had meant to harm me – that hit me a thousand kinds of wrong and it sent me into a mental and emotional spin – from out of NOWHERE. I had maintained a VERY high vibration throughout, and then all of a sudden I came crashing back down to somewhere BELOW Earth. It was like someone had punched me in the gut, I felt so devoid of wind, so knocked for a loop.
As I expressed the experience to one of the people my mind decided to hone into concerning the matter, I began to see a whole other pattern of perspective revealing itself to me. This person likely does not know the Service they may well have provided my soul, just by letting me say my piece and not having any argument with me – but also not shutting me down in the middle of it. Sometimes we have to act a little insane to discover the core of our sanity. Such was the case here. I made an ass of myself, got upset over something that NO ONE ELSE understands (because it came UTTERLY from WITHIN me), and exhausted myself all over again.
But in the midst of that, the hard shell was again cracked, and I could get to the meat of several matters that I have been unprepared to address for a long time now. Been a little busy addressing a million OTHER matters in my life. But this opened an opportunity to face those things within me that were not serving me well, and to again begin to excavate and clear them out from within my own construction of self. I claimed an opportunity to do battle with one of my shadow selves. I could just as well have remained confused and angry and hurt – and maybe even ended up depressed about it all (which is what the less conscious DO), but I was blessed with enough clarity from within the fog to make a better choice for myself.
So I apologized for my bad behavior, attempting to explain myself (which is really pointless when you can hardly understand your own actions, yourself), and returned again to where the focus REALLY belonged – on myself.
Blah blah blah... all that to say that, so often in the New Age community there are all these expectations of how things should go. At least that’s how it seems and how it feels to one just beginning on their path. There are all the questions about WHY am I not seeing the freaking angels and how COME I keep having crappy things happen to me when I am working so hard to follow these formulas to success and trying to be so real about it all? Why does everyone else get the unicorns with rainbows coming out their butts all the time? WHY MEEEE? Haha Thing is, when the work gets REAL enough, people start to realize that this journey is NOT just one big fluffy puffy joyride in all moments. In some periods, it is DAMN hard work!
I have spoken with several people now who had similar experiences. Many of them felt they had ‘failed’ in something. I certainly had that feeling with my sort of implosion that went all haywire. But the further away from it I stood, the more clear it became to me that I had been gifted another piece of my own puzzle, that while I was thrashing about and throwing a fit, a lesson was being presented to me. Sheesh. I am a slow mover. Sometimes takes me EONS to get around to my lessons (I believe this may be literal). Here – BAM BAM BAM they’re coming at me like gangbusters. What the hell are gangbusters, anyway? Are they like ghostbusters for gangs?
Anyway, so I am sharing with people that the crash is NOT a failure or a fault. It is a GIFT. We were BLASTED with a Force that cracked us open. What we are SUPPOSED to do with that is to peer inside, see what it is that’s in there and explore it. Learn from it. Discard that which no longer serves and fill the space with something that DOES. Heal it. Love it. Embrace it. No matter what sort of ugly you found in the experience – it is yours. It belongs to ALL of us, for we are each part of the others. That thing that got brought to the surface against your will – that is your gift from the Universe to heal that portion of yourself. To find Wholeness in that place that perhaps – if you’re anything like me – you have simply not been able to go before, for whatever reasons.
Anyway, so I am sharing with people that the crash is NOT a failure or a fault. It is a GIFT. We were BLASTED with a Force that cracked us open. What we are SUPPOSED to do with that is to peer inside, see what it is that’s in there and explore it. Learn from it. Discard that which no longer serves and fill the space with something that DOES. Heal it. Love it. Embrace it. No matter what sort of ugly you found in the experience – it is yours. It belongs to ALL of us, for we are each part of the others. That thing that got brought to the surface against your will – that is your gift from the Universe to heal that portion of yourself. To find Wholeness in that place that perhaps – if you’re anything like me – you have simply not been able to go before, for whatever reasons.
I had a magnificently positive beginning to my 11:11 experience. I will be writing about my specific meditation experiences. I felt I did a lot of good work to contribute to the Whole in our process on this day. But I also had a very difficult extension of experience that seemed to bring me low very rapidly – until I realized what it WAS. We are all struggling with so much these days. I do believe that is in the process of changing. It may get worse before it gets better. But it WILL get better, because we have ALWAYS known who ‘wins in the end’. And it is the end. And it is the beginning. And we are all the ‘winners’.
In times like these, we must remember to turn back to our inner being and see what is being revealed to us. It is never about something else. When we are suffering, it is ALWAYS about US. Not the others. External exploration can and will only ever lead us right back to ourselves, if we are honest about what we are seeing and follow the clues properly. The blow, the shock, the pain, the turmoil (again, all internal) are simply the indicators that something needs to be SEEN and RESOLVED within us. Something is out of resonance. Something no longer serves. What is it? What can we release? How can we use what we are being gifted to reveal more of our true selves to ourselves?
And always remember this: The greatest thing we can do for our own positive evolution is to offer first and foremost to ourselves our own Patience, Understanding and Forgiveness. ♥ Even when we do not feel like it, we are still doing OK. No matter how things may appear, everything is ALWAYS in Perfect Divine Right Order for our greater benefit and growth. We just have to discover what we are being given. And use it.
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