My Fire the Grid II Meditation Testimonial
Wednesday, 05 January 2011 19:33 | 
Written by Quirin |
Fire the Grid II Meditation ~ July 28, 2009 3:19 p.m. Pacific Time
I’d become aware of the first Fire the Grid meditation about 2 weeks after it had occurred. Initially, I felt sort of “left out” of a wonderful opportunity, and I sulked a little. But then the message started coming to me in various forms, from several different sources, that I had missed absolutely nothing and that I needed to stop wallowing around in such a ridiculous idea – that on energetic levels of which I was only just then becoming aware, I was fully present for the event. And, more so, I had “made my stand” - that my intention was a light that shone continuously, even when I was not so humanly sure about it. At the time, I was just learning about Anael’s and Bradfield’s music, and I was meditating with it very regularly. It was the very early days of what I have come to term my “Year of Miracles”, ignited by the vital energies of their music, and which forever changed how I came to understand my own Divinity, my eternal connection to All-That-Is, my mission and service. Well, perhaps not changed, so much as solidified, verified and actualized, in many respects. I had very much been anticipating the second meditation for a long, long time.
I live in Vista, California, a small city near Oceanside – where the Camp Pendleton Marine Base is located – some 40 miles north of San Diego. I live in one of the most beautiful and climatically temperate areas in the world. Not that I make it a large part of my life to enjoy it, or anything - but I am aware of my good fortune. Vista is one of the few places in the United States where you can grow tropical fruit, or go surfing on Christmas Day. People come from all over the world to vacation here. Yet I live here, and seldom find the time and energy or inclination to partake of its wonders.
I’d decided some time ago, though, that I really wanted to be out and away from my house in order to participate in the meditation. Long story there - I won’t bore you with the details - but I wanted the peaceful space (all to myself, and undisturbed) and a tangible connection to the living energy of the Earth, unimpeded by any unnecessary or unwanted energies. I decided to go find an ocean beach location. There is a lot of beach nearby…drive west for 20 minutes, and - voila! – You’re at the beach!
Despite that, I have not been in a long, long time. Tourism and overpopulation of the area have made it so that it is not often a pleasant experience for me. I like there to be a lot more Nature than I can usually find at the local beaches – especially in the summer time. Mostly what I find is blaring radios (not even playing music I can like), lots of coconut-scented suntan oil, the sand utterly obliterated by shiny bodies on way-too-colorful towels, junk and mess and clutter, and lots and lots of voices (some of them rather intrusive)… well, let’s just say that’s not what I’m going to the beach for when I go.
So I end up not going. Ever.
I'd determined, though, that this meditation would be at the beach. The Ocean has always been such a magnificent place of personal Power for me. Ever since I was a little girl and first went with my family. I remain just as overwhelmed today with the very concept of the thing as I was then. I am SO tiny in comparison to that immense body of water! I can just sit and stare at it for hours in utter silence and awe. It is always such a tremendously humbling experience. And it is always a beautifully blissful time for my soul.
As usual, the home front was not being as cooperative as I would have liked. One small thing after another and before long I was running late. I’d wanted to ARRIVE at my destination by no later than 2:30. I was just leaving the house at 2:45.
But I didn’t feel the usual White-Rabbit-studying-his-pocket-watch sort of “I’m LATE! I’m LATE!” irritation I would have normally expected. (I have only this past year finally broken myself of being a habitual watch-wearer and time-keeper. At least, I don’t do it CONSTANTLY, anymore.) Instead, I told my daughter and my father I’d be back in a little while and got into the van and drove peacefully westward. Ten minutes into the trip the freeway went all California on me and came to a near stop. But that didn’t even ruffle my feathers too much. Miraculously, there appeared an opening for me right through two near-solid lanes of traffic straight to the exit to take for the access road. And then I was again happily buzzing along, leaving that long parking lot strip of a freeway behind me.
I’m not that crazy about freeways, anyway – unless they’re largely empty and I have a fast, expensive car. (They almost never are, and I don’t.) Ask anyone who knows me and has to go “the long way around” to get anywhere… it’s usually faster, and a heck of a lot more pleasant.
Along the way, Spirit and I chatted about how (yes, we have many conversations in the car – what, don’t YOU?!) I had not really planned the physical portion of this thing very well, and I said it would be extremely sweet if I were easily able to find a parking space and pleasant place to settle myself without too much trouble. And my feeling was that it would be just so. No worries. No fretting. Just flowing smoothly on my way to a space already awaiting my arrival. I had a place reserved for me. Of that I was absolutely certain.
I drove into Oceanside, and turned left. Left would take me to Carlsbad and Leucadia/Encinitas (Leucadia just really being a suburb of the already smallish Encinitas), the ritzy local beach areas. Beaches would be nicer in those areas. And less overcrowded.
Or at least, that’s what I thought. It HAD been pretty hot for some time now…
There was a solid wall of cars along the coast, and – UGH – WAY too many people. My MIND didn’t like this. My heart laughed gleefully and said, “What? You suddenly don’t love everyone? On THIS day, of ALL days?!” Funny how sometimes your own thoughts can kick your own butt. Made me smile for real. Cease the momentary irritation, reach out for Eternal inspiration.
There was a distant part of myself that was mildly frustrated with my own lack of planning, especially since I hadn’t even taken the time to scout out a proper place for myself. I’d figured I’d get there early enough to just wing it.
I was not early.
But that just didn’t seem to matter so much. Just flow…just flow…all is in Divine order.
Nowhere to park. Nowhere to find the peace I’d imagined gathering around myself for the event. But I was still not developing the normal concern I would expect for not being on schedule and for not finding things the ways I would prefer. I drove past a few places I’d thought would be likely (but ended up being pretty crowded…UGH again!), and ended up in the far south side of Carlsbad near Leucadia. I hadn’t really meant to go quite that far, but there I was. And unbelievably, so was a single parking space at the side of the road. It didn’t look too much like a beach access area, but there were a few people with surf and body boards headed out a path that led to what looked like a full fence. It seemed possibly a likely place with all of them seemingly headed SOMEWHERE, so I parked and grabbed my hat and my water and started on the trek to whatever-it-was.
I got about halfway to finding out what it was, and realized I didn’t have my mp3 player with me. I’d charged it and meant to use it if I could not concentrate. Or relax. Or whatever. So I went back to the van, dug around in my bag, only to discover I hadn’t brought it. Great. No music. No clock, either. Two things that should have REALLY undermined the moment for me.
But for some reason, it wasn’t all that big a deal. I shrugged it off. Everything to a purpose, I figured.
I just locked everything back up, re-secured my hat, and started out for the beach again.
Funny how we get so hung up on our tools. I’d even brought a couple favorite crystals, but they simply got forgotten in the van. I, myself, am the greatest instrument to Divine inspiration and respiration and action and reaction created specifically for this physical realm. What else could I actually need?! My few careful preparations suddenly seemed rather silly – even extraneous. I felt lightened and enlightened by this idea. Learning to lay down what has always seemed like things I “needed” has been a real lesson for me the past few years… In reality, we already ARE everything that we need. Everything else is just gravy – and sometimes we have to watch our diets.
Most of the way there again, I notice City workers. Several. Then I see the sign, “Bluff Restoration Project”, and look ahead to notice there’s a section below the cliff that’s all cordoned off with bright orange plastic safety fence and a bunch of workers. The first sigh escapes me. “WHERE’S MY NATURE?!” But I shake it off. There is some reason why this is the spot, and I am not going to let all these trivialities get to me. As I get beyond the fence lining the bluffs, there’s a nice little dirt path that travels along the cliff (what’s left of it – you DO know that California is falling into the Pacific Ocean, right? One bluff at a time…). Turning right would have taken me to the stairs that led down to the beach proper over by the construction, but I turned left and headed down the upper path. Not too far along, a certain spot just seemed like it was calling to me.
So I sat. It was absolutely perfect. (Here it is: 33° 7'41.69"N, 117°20'0.09"W – for those of you with Google Earth. J) It’s probably not at all a place I would have specifically chosen for myself. And yet it was the place I was supposed to be in this moment. I could just FEEL it. It was so unremarkable, and that somehow seemed perfect, also. I had such a sense that our gathering SHOULD be unremarkable, that it should be the NORM. There was a little indentation (you know, caused by falling cliff bits) that made a perfect seat, and I could dangle my feet off the edge without the usual vertigo causing me to fall to my death. (haha I am absolutely terrified of heights – so just sitting on that cliff was a real stretch for me!) There was a small amount of that grass that always grows at the seaside, but is usually full of beach flies – however, I was away from the surf. No flies. Just soft grass, dusty earth, and warm rock. And the sun and the sea. And me. And all of you. And everything else.
I put my hat on (I am mostly fairly pale, being a computer nerd who shies away from too much direct sunlight…), and just sat gazing out over the water for a while – “breathing into every moment Light & Love”. In a matter of but a few swift moments, I was beyond even thinking about the City workers or the traffic on Old Hwy 101 (now Coast Highway) behind me. I was completely mesmerized and subdued by the sparkling jewels that were shimmering facets of the waves reflecting the mid-afternoon sun. The sound was of wind and surf and life – some gulls and pelicans flying overhead, kids playing at the water line, snippets of conversation of passersby. I was immediately utterly relaxed – and fully energized at the same time. Very, very “ON” in this easy state of floating consciousness.
I just sat there like that for what seemed like quite a while (though you know how time loses all meaning when you’re IN the moment), looking out over the Ocean. I sang a little “Be Still Thy Soul” in my head (didn’t want to frighten off other beach-goers. Hahaha), then since no one was really around, actually let myself quietly sing to myself “Lord, Make Me an Instrument of Thy Peace”, as performed by Singh Kaur. Not that it sounded a thing like her or anything… just that’s the version I like.
Then I just let myself slide smoothly into the meditation. I wasn’t even sure what time it was, it just felt like the “correct” time. I had this sense of a sudden crescendo in energy, as if all those intending to do so had arrived, and it was time for things to commence – a sort of pressure around me, a charge to the very air, and a virtual sigh of release that was poised to escape. It was very simple for me to visualize this world in its perfected form, because it is a vision I have held for myself and for the Earth on a regular basis for a very long time – often, even. They are images that are like old friends. So my old friends and I settled in to the communion of hearts at the shore. As soon as I made this shift, a deep, thrumming hum began that seemed to be coming from all around me. It was subtle, but it was strong. At first, I thought it might be heavy equipment somewhere with incredibly bad timing, but listening more closely, it seemed to me that the sound was not coming from anywhere in particular – but from EVERYWHERE. And, unlike machine noises – which I often find physically unbearable – this sound soothed me, almost lulled me. Deep, with a faint sort of pulsing quality to it, a slow oscillation. I was later to discover this sound had nothing whatsoever to do with the location.
Not too long into it, I found my concentration wavering. Instead of fighting to regain it, though – especially since I didn’t even have the music with me to be my inspiration to focus upon – I just let myself open my eyes and look at my surroundings with all the Love that was streaming through me – and was it ever STREAMING! I would estimate that perhaps 15 minutes had passed, and I simply felt as if I was glowing like hot metal, and I could feel the energies moving throughout my body and flowing in and out of my extremities (palms of hands and soles of feet and tips of fingers and toes and in/out the top of my head). Having had my eyes closed for a time, everything had that fresh, almost surrealistic quality to it. I watched the calm water as it lapped at the sand, I watched some of the surfers who had braved the climb, and I watched the distant maneuvers in the waters to the north. Can’t escape the Military down here, no matter where you go. And I put my attention to running the energy that was flowing through me.
People came and went, coming from some obscured place to my left or from the stairway on my right (next to the City reconstruction project… tell me, HOW does one “reconstruct” a bluff, anyway?!). Some groups were obviously families. Some came with their dogs, which were having a marvelous time in the water running, jumping, biting at the waves and playing with each other. The day on the shore was delightfully cool - compared to the 90-100 degrees I’d been enduring the last couple of weeks in Vista - only about 75 degrees. The breeze was swift and strong (strong enough that I was very thankful for the little pink ribbon on my new Ren Faire hat, so it would stay ON).
Though I was no longer in what some might consider meditational focus, I was still very much focusing on what my intent and purpose was in the moment. It seemed that every single living being (Ocean, sky, and Earth beneath me, included) upon which I set my thought caused my heart to open all the further. In a way that I do not always find so commonly, I was very intimately connected with everything that was happening around me – even all the other people. I’d wanted my solitude to prevent disruption, and yet here I was being disrupted of my own accord and being grateful for all the beings around me that were returning to me my focal point. I found it mildly amusing and more than a little ironic. Spirit was showing me something. About how my isolating myself is not necessarily where it’s at. I have known this for some time, but old habits die hard. Here was an opportunity to remind myself WHY the others were so important. The beauty of the moment would have been far less without them.
They were my mirrors, reflecting my gratitude and joy back to me. As I pondered this, the smile came even easier to my lips – because I was/AM their mirror, as well… and I wanted to keep the circulation going… Gratitude unto joy unto gratitude unto joy. Exchanging smiles might just be one of the purest forms of communication of Love, ever.
By now, I had actively sought the source of the deep humming-pulse. Traffic was sparse on the highway behind me, the men working on the bluffs had no large equipment. They were working with shovels and wheelbarrows. (Lord knows HOW they were going to “repair a bluff” like THAT, but no machines…) No motorized boats in the area. I was finding it rather intriguing. But that was all – I just wanted to know WHAT it was. It was still, strangely, not actually “bothering” me – it was just highly apparent to me. I could feel it in my bones and my teeth, I could feel the vibration in my whole head, and it seemed that the air shimmered in response to it. But when I tried to really listen to it, it almost seemed more like it was a sound that I wasn’t actually hearing – that I was feeling it more than I could truly hear it.
I watched the puffy white clouds scuttle across the sky, and watched a man in a kayak paddling around in a large circle a little further out to sea. Then, as I was watching him, I saw what looked like a fin come up out of the water. Then another one. And another one.
The delight enveloped and escaped me all in a rush, and I found myself absolutely laughing out loud.
DOLPHINS. A lot of them.
I have been to the ocean a fair number of times in my 45 years - all of which have been in various parts of California - but I have NEVER seen dolphins in the ocean. Only ever at the water parks and aquariums. So sad. To see them in their home – SO MANY OF THEM! – just thrilled me to no end. As I watched, I saw more and more of them. I don’t know if it was one HUGE pod of them or if there were several pods near each other, or what – but there was a portion of ocean that was simply churning with them. Sometimes I’d see half a dozen or more surfacing at once, and several jumped right out of the water – their slick bodies all glistening in the late afternoon sunlight. There was quite an impressive patch of ocean alive with their presence.
The thing that struck me in that moment was that they were exhibiting such JOY in their lives. Maybe “just” feeding, maybe “just” swimming from one habitat area to another, but having such an immense connection to the NOW moment, so pleased with their world and their ways. I could feel it, even across the distance. And it was gloriously contagious. Their joy was my joy. And I sat there for what must have been at least the next half hour, watching them splash and play and take care of whatever business dolphins have. And feeling nothing but utter delight. Those dolphins and me, both. And the energy went right on streaming, flowing through me, and I was just the conduit of release. I began to get this sort of all-over tingly feeling – a sort of effervescent sensation, one like I often have when I am in a healing session or during and just after a deep meditation, only I was fully conscious of my surroundings and this sensation was much stronger - and I had this total sensation of a complete lack of time or space. Everything just WAS…and no separations existed. No one-moment-to-the-next. No me-and-you. No comparisons or contrasts – just exquisite variety within the Oneness. It was a completely tangible moment of Wholism.
Several people walked past on the path behind me. Some more surfers and their boards, an older couple arm-in-arm, a family of 4 with two small children skipping and laughing as they passed, more City workers (all very polite, I might add - saying “Hello” and tipping their straw hats. City workers in straw hats. Very silly and charming, but appropriate for the usually-baking sun.) One man walking his Boxer dog in one direction, another walking his Weimaraner in the other – and a meeting of men and dogs that very was interesting to watch. Men greeting, dogs greeting – not exactly in the same way. LOL Men conversing, dogs sniffing and jumping around. Everyone having a marvelous time. A man came past me on a bike, and stopped a little ways away and got out a kite. I thought it was a little bit windy for that, but he got the thing up and flying beautifully – and quickly! - obviously no slacker with a kite. Again, another moment of sheer delight. I smiled at him and his kite, and he smiled back. Then we both smiled even bigger. We shared the moment of delight. And it became all the more delightful.
The wind was strong enough at times that between its sound and the sound of the tide coming in, there was very little in the way of voices or other distracting noises to be heard. In this manner, it was much like watching a silent movie. I don’t know if any of you are into doing that, but it’s a whole other sensory experience – without dialogue, everything becomes about facial expression, body language and gesture. I became fascinated with the plethora of human expression, stripped of its speech. I am a great lover of words, but in this moment, I realized how extraneous words have become for most of us. We spend a lot of time and expend a great deal of energy expressing things in words that have no real value or meaning, overall. And then many of the deepest expressions we enact are quite beyond words. I can’t help but feel strongly that words will be one of the first things to diminish in the next frequency seating. It is almost like, in this world, in this present experience, we are purging our words, letting them flow without restraint (even when we might should have ought to) – because we know they will soon become largely obsolete (“soon” being a relative term – perhaps over the next millennium or some such).
Underneath it all, that droning, deep pulsing sound that tickled the edges of my consciousness. What WAS that? It did not annoy me, but its persistence and my inability to pinpoint its source was something to study, for me. In a way, it almost seemed as though it was coming out of ME and permeating the area around me. The very concept of that pleased me very much. Was I perhaps hearing my own Tone? More smiles, at that. Maybe some tone of what was being accomplished by our endeavors… I had no idea.
I felt a sort of momentary disappointment with myself that I had not “meditated”, in the sense that I had envisioned for all the time previous to the event. I truly distress when my mind will not cooperate and do as I wish it to. But the more I thought about it, the more appropriate what had happened became. I am not meant to be sitting all solitary on a rock somewhere, “Auming”. I am meant to be awake and alive and aware – and participating with my fellow creators. Even if that participation is nothing more than that shared smile. Because within the shared smile is all the Love in the Universe – and that’s what’s we’re all here about, anyway.
I have no idea when I began to bring myself back to some sort of “normal” consciousness. (Yeah, well, that’s all a matter of perspective…) I stayed in that space with those sensations of joy and gratitude and energy flowing brilliantly through me – almost to a feeling that I might burst for the force of it! - for quite a while, quietly observing my space in the world, silently appreciating the magnificence of being alive in this time, in this moment, to be here for ALL THIS. What a blessing. What a fantastic adventure! What a precious gift. Slowly, I noticed that people were beginning to leave the beach, and the sun was a bit lower in the sky, and the dolphins had all gone, and dogs were panting as they ran up the stairs with their people, and the construction crew was calling it a day.
I sat there for a while longer, with my little bit of Ocean and sand, appreciating the opportunity to be a part of this wonderful event this time around. Even before I left, I was understanding how my experience was showing me that this is how we could feel all the time when we are properly “plugged in” consistently, and how it is imperative that we reach for that goal. I felt it was late and that I should return to the mundane world and all the things that awaited my attention therein – but the stream was still present. I pondered if I should sit until it dissipated – or whatever it was going to do, I don’t know! – but the thought came again: In proper function, THIS is what we DO. ALL the TIME. Perhaps not for the intended purpose that we all sat on this day, but for various reasons and purposes. And in that this is our natural mode of being, we would not normally perform this task while putting off others. We were meant to be able to flow through multiple functions at one time.
I had originally intended to stay until sunset, but the breeze was actually turning slightly chilly, and it just seemed a good time to call my portion “finished” (for now). I sent my love and thankfulness to Spirit, to the Sea, to the people and dogs and dolphins and gulls and pelicans, to the sun and the wind and the Earth - who had reserved for me one of the best seats in the house, and to each of YOUR hearts for being part of this incredible chance to take control of our destinies and to truly bring Heaven to Earth.
Even with everything moving at the speed of Life around me, there was a stillness that embraced all of it. The sigh of high contentment and well-planted resolution had been released, and the world now paused for her first breath of a New Day. It made my whole Being smile. The drive home was a straight shot with not a single obstacle – at rush hour. Talk about your miracles. I arrived home at 5:45 p.m., which means that I had left almost exactly – if not exactly - one hour after the conclusion of the actual meditation itself. I pretty well floated the rest of the evening and well into the days to follow.
That sound – the deep pulsing hum I heard – stayed with me throughout that evening and into the early part of the next day. Its quality did not diminish as I moved away from my space on the shore. It WAS something to do with me or with the very space we communally occupy, energetically. I still do not know what it was, but it slowly faded over the hours to come, until it was completely gone. In reading other accounts, I wonder if this was not, perhaps, the sound of our concerted effort, or maybe the sound of that amount of energy moving all at once, or just the sound of the Earth in her pleasure of the moment, or maybe just the sound of Life as we are meant to be able to hear it. It does not matter, really, what it was. It affected me deeply, and I feel it had an absolute altering effect on my inner being.
This experience will be one I carry with me for all the rest of my days. I feel I embarked on the most epic adventure of my lifetime in that moment, and I try to remain in a receptive space for Spirit to show me my part in the larger scheme of things to come. It is not the end; it is not even a step away from the end – it is only the Beginning.
Namaste ~
Quirin
(Holly)
I’d become aware of the first Fire the Grid meditation about 2 weeks after it had occurred. Initially, I felt sort of “left out” of a wonderful opportunity, and I sulked a little. But then the message started coming to me in various forms, from several different sources, that I had missed absolutely nothing and that I needed to stop wallowing around in such a ridiculous idea – that on energetic levels of which I was only just then becoming aware, I was fully present for the event. And, more so, I had “made my stand” - that my intention was a light that shone continuously, even when I was not so humanly sure about it. At the time, I was just learning about Anael’s and Bradfield’s music, and I was meditating with it very regularly. It was the very early days of what I have come to term my “Year of Miracles”, ignited by the vital energies of their music, and which forever changed how I came to understand my own Divinity, my eternal connection to All-That-Is, my mission and service. Well, perhaps not changed, so much as solidified, verified and actualized, in many respects. I had very much been anticipating the second meditation for a long, long time.
I live in Vista, California, a small city near Oceanside – where the Camp Pendleton Marine Base is located – some 40 miles north of San Diego. I live in one of the most beautiful and climatically temperate areas in the world. Not that I make it a large part of my life to enjoy it, or anything - but I am aware of my good fortune. Vista is one of the few places in the United States where you can grow tropical fruit, or go surfing on Christmas Day. People come from all over the world to vacation here. Yet I live here, and seldom find the time and energy or inclination to partake of its wonders.
I’d decided some time ago, though, that I really wanted to be out and away from my house in order to participate in the meditation. Long story there - I won’t bore you with the details - but I wanted the peaceful space (all to myself, and undisturbed) and a tangible connection to the living energy of the Earth, unimpeded by any unnecessary or unwanted energies. I decided to go find an ocean beach location. There is a lot of beach nearby…drive west for 20 minutes, and - voila! – You’re at the beach!
Despite that, I have not been in a long, long time. Tourism and overpopulation of the area have made it so that it is not often a pleasant experience for me. I like there to be a lot more Nature than I can usually find at the local beaches – especially in the summer time. Mostly what I find is blaring radios (not even playing music I can like), lots of coconut-scented suntan oil, the sand utterly obliterated by shiny bodies on way-too-colorful towels, junk and mess and clutter, and lots and lots of voices (some of them rather intrusive)… well, let’s just say that’s not what I’m going to the beach for when I go.
So I end up not going. Ever.
I'd determined, though, that this meditation would be at the beach. The Ocean has always been such a magnificent place of personal Power for me. Ever since I was a little girl and first went with my family. I remain just as overwhelmed today with the very concept of the thing as I was then. I am SO tiny in comparison to that immense body of water! I can just sit and stare at it for hours in utter silence and awe. It is always such a tremendously humbling experience. And it is always a beautifully blissful time for my soul.
As usual, the home front was not being as cooperative as I would have liked. One small thing after another and before long I was running late. I’d wanted to ARRIVE at my destination by no later than 2:30. I was just leaving the house at 2:45.
But I didn’t feel the usual White-Rabbit-studying-his-pocket-watch sort of “I’m LATE! I’m LATE!” irritation I would have normally expected. (I have only this past year finally broken myself of being a habitual watch-wearer and time-keeper. At least, I don’t do it CONSTANTLY, anymore.) Instead, I told my daughter and my father I’d be back in a little while and got into the van and drove peacefully westward. Ten minutes into the trip the freeway went all California on me and came to a near stop. But that didn’t even ruffle my feathers too much. Miraculously, there appeared an opening for me right through two near-solid lanes of traffic straight to the exit to take for the access road. And then I was again happily buzzing along, leaving that long parking lot strip of a freeway behind me.
I’m not that crazy about freeways, anyway – unless they’re largely empty and I have a fast, expensive car. (They almost never are, and I don’t.) Ask anyone who knows me and has to go “the long way around” to get anywhere… it’s usually faster, and a heck of a lot more pleasant.
Along the way, Spirit and I chatted about how (yes, we have many conversations in the car – what, don’t YOU?!) I had not really planned the physical portion of this thing very well, and I said it would be extremely sweet if I were easily able to find a parking space and pleasant place to settle myself without too much trouble. And my feeling was that it would be just so. No worries. No fretting. Just flowing smoothly on my way to a space already awaiting my arrival. I had a place reserved for me. Of that I was absolutely certain.
I drove into Oceanside, and turned left. Left would take me to Carlsbad and Leucadia/Encinitas (Leucadia just really being a suburb of the already smallish Encinitas), the ritzy local beach areas. Beaches would be nicer in those areas. And less overcrowded.
Or at least, that’s what I thought. It HAD been pretty hot for some time now…
There was a solid wall of cars along the coast, and – UGH – WAY too many people. My MIND didn’t like this. My heart laughed gleefully and said, “What? You suddenly don’t love everyone? On THIS day, of ALL days?!” Funny how sometimes your own thoughts can kick your own butt. Made me smile for real. Cease the momentary irritation, reach out for Eternal inspiration.
There was a distant part of myself that was mildly frustrated with my own lack of planning, especially since I hadn’t even taken the time to scout out a proper place for myself. I’d figured I’d get there early enough to just wing it.
I was not early.
But that just didn’t seem to matter so much. Just flow…just flow…all is in Divine order.
Nowhere to park. Nowhere to find the peace I’d imagined gathering around myself for the event. But I was still not developing the normal concern I would expect for not being on schedule and for not finding things the ways I would prefer. I drove past a few places I’d thought would be likely (but ended up being pretty crowded…UGH again!), and ended up in the far south side of Carlsbad near Leucadia. I hadn’t really meant to go quite that far, but there I was. And unbelievably, so was a single parking space at the side of the road. It didn’t look too much like a beach access area, but there were a few people with surf and body boards headed out a path that led to what looked like a full fence. It seemed possibly a likely place with all of them seemingly headed SOMEWHERE, so I parked and grabbed my hat and my water and started on the trek to whatever-it-was.
I got about halfway to finding out what it was, and realized I didn’t have my mp3 player with me. I’d charged it and meant to use it if I could not concentrate. Or relax. Or whatever. So I went back to the van, dug around in my bag, only to discover I hadn’t brought it. Great. No music. No clock, either. Two things that should have REALLY undermined the moment for me.
But for some reason, it wasn’t all that big a deal. I shrugged it off. Everything to a purpose, I figured.
I just locked everything back up, re-secured my hat, and started out for the beach again.
Funny how we get so hung up on our tools. I’d even brought a couple favorite crystals, but they simply got forgotten in the van. I, myself, am the greatest instrument to Divine inspiration and respiration and action and reaction created specifically for this physical realm. What else could I actually need?! My few careful preparations suddenly seemed rather silly – even extraneous. I felt lightened and enlightened by this idea. Learning to lay down what has always seemed like things I “needed” has been a real lesson for me the past few years… In reality, we already ARE everything that we need. Everything else is just gravy – and sometimes we have to watch our diets.
Most of the way there again, I notice City workers. Several. Then I see the sign, “Bluff Restoration Project”, and look ahead to notice there’s a section below the cliff that’s all cordoned off with bright orange plastic safety fence and a bunch of workers. The first sigh escapes me. “WHERE’S MY NATURE?!” But I shake it off. There is some reason why this is the spot, and I am not going to let all these trivialities get to me. As I get beyond the fence lining the bluffs, there’s a nice little dirt path that travels along the cliff (what’s left of it – you DO know that California is falling into the Pacific Ocean, right? One bluff at a time…). Turning right would have taken me to the stairs that led down to the beach proper over by the construction, but I turned left and headed down the upper path. Not too far along, a certain spot just seemed like it was calling to me.
So I sat. It was absolutely perfect. (Here it is: 33° 7'41.69"N, 117°20'0.09"W – for those of you with Google Earth. J) It’s probably not at all a place I would have specifically chosen for myself. And yet it was the place I was supposed to be in this moment. I could just FEEL it. It was so unremarkable, and that somehow seemed perfect, also. I had such a sense that our gathering SHOULD be unremarkable, that it should be the NORM. There was a little indentation (you know, caused by falling cliff bits) that made a perfect seat, and I could dangle my feet off the edge without the usual vertigo causing me to fall to my death. (haha I am absolutely terrified of heights – so just sitting on that cliff was a real stretch for me!) There was a small amount of that grass that always grows at the seaside, but is usually full of beach flies – however, I was away from the surf. No flies. Just soft grass, dusty earth, and warm rock. And the sun and the sea. And me. And all of you. And everything else.
I put my hat on (I am mostly fairly pale, being a computer nerd who shies away from too much direct sunlight…), and just sat gazing out over the water for a while – “breathing into every moment Light & Love”. In a matter of but a few swift moments, I was beyond even thinking about the City workers or the traffic on Old Hwy 101 (now Coast Highway) behind me. I was completely mesmerized and subdued by the sparkling jewels that were shimmering facets of the waves reflecting the mid-afternoon sun. The sound was of wind and surf and life – some gulls and pelicans flying overhead, kids playing at the water line, snippets of conversation of passersby. I was immediately utterly relaxed – and fully energized at the same time. Very, very “ON” in this easy state of floating consciousness.
I just sat there like that for what seemed like quite a while (though you know how time loses all meaning when you’re IN the moment), looking out over the Ocean. I sang a little “Be Still Thy Soul” in my head (didn’t want to frighten off other beach-goers. Hahaha), then since no one was really around, actually let myself quietly sing to myself “Lord, Make Me an Instrument of Thy Peace”, as performed by Singh Kaur. Not that it sounded a thing like her or anything… just that’s the version I like.
Then I just let myself slide smoothly into the meditation. I wasn’t even sure what time it was, it just felt like the “correct” time. I had this sense of a sudden crescendo in energy, as if all those intending to do so had arrived, and it was time for things to commence – a sort of pressure around me, a charge to the very air, and a virtual sigh of release that was poised to escape. It was very simple for me to visualize this world in its perfected form, because it is a vision I have held for myself and for the Earth on a regular basis for a very long time – often, even. They are images that are like old friends. So my old friends and I settled in to the communion of hearts at the shore. As soon as I made this shift, a deep, thrumming hum began that seemed to be coming from all around me. It was subtle, but it was strong. At first, I thought it might be heavy equipment somewhere with incredibly bad timing, but listening more closely, it seemed to me that the sound was not coming from anywhere in particular – but from EVERYWHERE. And, unlike machine noises – which I often find physically unbearable – this sound soothed me, almost lulled me. Deep, with a faint sort of pulsing quality to it, a slow oscillation. I was later to discover this sound had nothing whatsoever to do with the location.
Not too long into it, I found my concentration wavering. Instead of fighting to regain it, though – especially since I didn’t even have the music with me to be my inspiration to focus upon – I just let myself open my eyes and look at my surroundings with all the Love that was streaming through me – and was it ever STREAMING! I would estimate that perhaps 15 minutes had passed, and I simply felt as if I was glowing like hot metal, and I could feel the energies moving throughout my body and flowing in and out of my extremities (palms of hands and soles of feet and tips of fingers and toes and in/out the top of my head). Having had my eyes closed for a time, everything had that fresh, almost surrealistic quality to it. I watched the calm water as it lapped at the sand, I watched some of the surfers who had braved the climb, and I watched the distant maneuvers in the waters to the north. Can’t escape the Military down here, no matter where you go. And I put my attention to running the energy that was flowing through me.
People came and went, coming from some obscured place to my left or from the stairway on my right (next to the City reconstruction project… tell me, HOW does one “reconstruct” a bluff, anyway?!). Some groups were obviously families. Some came with their dogs, which were having a marvelous time in the water running, jumping, biting at the waves and playing with each other. The day on the shore was delightfully cool - compared to the 90-100 degrees I’d been enduring the last couple of weeks in Vista - only about 75 degrees. The breeze was swift and strong (strong enough that I was very thankful for the little pink ribbon on my new Ren Faire hat, so it would stay ON).
Though I was no longer in what some might consider meditational focus, I was still very much focusing on what my intent and purpose was in the moment. It seemed that every single living being (Ocean, sky, and Earth beneath me, included) upon which I set my thought caused my heart to open all the further. In a way that I do not always find so commonly, I was very intimately connected with everything that was happening around me – even all the other people. I’d wanted my solitude to prevent disruption, and yet here I was being disrupted of my own accord and being grateful for all the beings around me that were returning to me my focal point. I found it mildly amusing and more than a little ironic. Spirit was showing me something. About how my isolating myself is not necessarily where it’s at. I have known this for some time, but old habits die hard. Here was an opportunity to remind myself WHY the others were so important. The beauty of the moment would have been far less without them.
They were my mirrors, reflecting my gratitude and joy back to me. As I pondered this, the smile came even easier to my lips – because I was/AM their mirror, as well… and I wanted to keep the circulation going… Gratitude unto joy unto gratitude unto joy. Exchanging smiles might just be one of the purest forms of communication of Love, ever.
By now, I had actively sought the source of the deep humming-pulse. Traffic was sparse on the highway behind me, the men working on the bluffs had no large equipment. They were working with shovels and wheelbarrows. (Lord knows HOW they were going to “repair a bluff” like THAT, but no machines…) No motorized boats in the area. I was finding it rather intriguing. But that was all – I just wanted to know WHAT it was. It was still, strangely, not actually “bothering” me – it was just highly apparent to me. I could feel it in my bones and my teeth, I could feel the vibration in my whole head, and it seemed that the air shimmered in response to it. But when I tried to really listen to it, it almost seemed more like it was a sound that I wasn’t actually hearing – that I was feeling it more than I could truly hear it.
I watched the puffy white clouds scuttle across the sky, and watched a man in a kayak paddling around in a large circle a little further out to sea. Then, as I was watching him, I saw what looked like a fin come up out of the water. Then another one. And another one.
The delight enveloped and escaped me all in a rush, and I found myself absolutely laughing out loud.
DOLPHINS. A lot of them.
I have been to the ocean a fair number of times in my 45 years - all of which have been in various parts of California - but I have NEVER seen dolphins in the ocean. Only ever at the water parks and aquariums. So sad. To see them in their home – SO MANY OF THEM! – just thrilled me to no end. As I watched, I saw more and more of them. I don’t know if it was one HUGE pod of them or if there were several pods near each other, or what – but there was a portion of ocean that was simply churning with them. Sometimes I’d see half a dozen or more surfacing at once, and several jumped right out of the water – their slick bodies all glistening in the late afternoon sunlight. There was quite an impressive patch of ocean alive with their presence.
The thing that struck me in that moment was that they were exhibiting such JOY in their lives. Maybe “just” feeding, maybe “just” swimming from one habitat area to another, but having such an immense connection to the NOW moment, so pleased with their world and their ways. I could feel it, even across the distance. And it was gloriously contagious. Their joy was my joy. And I sat there for what must have been at least the next half hour, watching them splash and play and take care of whatever business dolphins have. And feeling nothing but utter delight. Those dolphins and me, both. And the energy went right on streaming, flowing through me, and I was just the conduit of release. I began to get this sort of all-over tingly feeling – a sort of effervescent sensation, one like I often have when I am in a healing session or during and just after a deep meditation, only I was fully conscious of my surroundings and this sensation was much stronger - and I had this total sensation of a complete lack of time or space. Everything just WAS…and no separations existed. No one-moment-to-the-next. No me-and-you. No comparisons or contrasts – just exquisite variety within the Oneness. It was a completely tangible moment of Wholism.
Several people walked past on the path behind me. Some more surfers and their boards, an older couple arm-in-arm, a family of 4 with two small children skipping and laughing as they passed, more City workers (all very polite, I might add - saying “Hello” and tipping their straw hats. City workers in straw hats. Very silly and charming, but appropriate for the usually-baking sun.) One man walking his Boxer dog in one direction, another walking his Weimaraner in the other – and a meeting of men and dogs that very was interesting to watch. Men greeting, dogs greeting – not exactly in the same way. LOL Men conversing, dogs sniffing and jumping around. Everyone having a marvelous time. A man came past me on a bike, and stopped a little ways away and got out a kite. I thought it was a little bit windy for that, but he got the thing up and flying beautifully – and quickly! - obviously no slacker with a kite. Again, another moment of sheer delight. I smiled at him and his kite, and he smiled back. Then we both smiled even bigger. We shared the moment of delight. And it became all the more delightful.
The wind was strong enough at times that between its sound and the sound of the tide coming in, there was very little in the way of voices or other distracting noises to be heard. In this manner, it was much like watching a silent movie. I don’t know if any of you are into doing that, but it’s a whole other sensory experience – without dialogue, everything becomes about facial expression, body language and gesture. I became fascinated with the plethora of human expression, stripped of its speech. I am a great lover of words, but in this moment, I realized how extraneous words have become for most of us. We spend a lot of time and expend a great deal of energy expressing things in words that have no real value or meaning, overall. And then many of the deepest expressions we enact are quite beyond words. I can’t help but feel strongly that words will be one of the first things to diminish in the next frequency seating. It is almost like, in this world, in this present experience, we are purging our words, letting them flow without restraint (even when we might should have ought to) – because we know they will soon become largely obsolete (“soon” being a relative term – perhaps over the next millennium or some such).
Underneath it all, that droning, deep pulsing sound that tickled the edges of my consciousness. What WAS that? It did not annoy me, but its persistence and my inability to pinpoint its source was something to study, for me. In a way, it almost seemed as though it was coming out of ME and permeating the area around me. The very concept of that pleased me very much. Was I perhaps hearing my own Tone? More smiles, at that. Maybe some tone of what was being accomplished by our endeavors… I had no idea.
I felt a sort of momentary disappointment with myself that I had not “meditated”, in the sense that I had envisioned for all the time previous to the event. I truly distress when my mind will not cooperate and do as I wish it to. But the more I thought about it, the more appropriate what had happened became. I am not meant to be sitting all solitary on a rock somewhere, “Auming”. I am meant to be awake and alive and aware – and participating with my fellow creators. Even if that participation is nothing more than that shared smile. Because within the shared smile is all the Love in the Universe – and that’s what’s we’re all here about, anyway.
I have no idea when I began to bring myself back to some sort of “normal” consciousness. (Yeah, well, that’s all a matter of perspective…) I stayed in that space with those sensations of joy and gratitude and energy flowing brilliantly through me – almost to a feeling that I might burst for the force of it! - for quite a while, quietly observing my space in the world, silently appreciating the magnificence of being alive in this time, in this moment, to be here for ALL THIS. What a blessing. What a fantastic adventure! What a precious gift. Slowly, I noticed that people were beginning to leave the beach, and the sun was a bit lower in the sky, and the dolphins had all gone, and dogs were panting as they ran up the stairs with their people, and the construction crew was calling it a day.
I sat there for a while longer, with my little bit of Ocean and sand, appreciating the opportunity to be a part of this wonderful event this time around. Even before I left, I was understanding how my experience was showing me that this is how we could feel all the time when we are properly “plugged in” consistently, and how it is imperative that we reach for that goal. I felt it was late and that I should return to the mundane world and all the things that awaited my attention therein – but the stream was still present. I pondered if I should sit until it dissipated – or whatever it was going to do, I don’t know! – but the thought came again: In proper function, THIS is what we DO. ALL the TIME. Perhaps not for the intended purpose that we all sat on this day, but for various reasons and purposes. And in that this is our natural mode of being, we would not normally perform this task while putting off others. We were meant to be able to flow through multiple functions at one time.
I had originally intended to stay until sunset, but the breeze was actually turning slightly chilly, and it just seemed a good time to call my portion “finished” (for now). I sent my love and thankfulness to Spirit, to the Sea, to the people and dogs and dolphins and gulls and pelicans, to the sun and the wind and the Earth - who had reserved for me one of the best seats in the house, and to each of YOUR hearts for being part of this incredible chance to take control of our destinies and to truly bring Heaven to Earth.
Even with everything moving at the speed of Life around me, there was a stillness that embraced all of it. The sigh of high contentment and well-planted resolution had been released, and the world now paused for her first breath of a New Day. It made my whole Being smile. The drive home was a straight shot with not a single obstacle – at rush hour. Talk about your miracles. I arrived home at 5:45 p.m., which means that I had left almost exactly – if not exactly - one hour after the conclusion of the actual meditation itself. I pretty well floated the rest of the evening and well into the days to follow.
That sound – the deep pulsing hum I heard – stayed with me throughout that evening and into the early part of the next day. Its quality did not diminish as I moved away from my space on the shore. It WAS something to do with me or with the very space we communally occupy, energetically. I still do not know what it was, but it slowly faded over the hours to come, until it was completely gone. In reading other accounts, I wonder if this was not, perhaps, the sound of our concerted effort, or maybe the sound of that amount of energy moving all at once, or just the sound of the Earth in her pleasure of the moment, or maybe just the sound of Life as we are meant to be able to hear it. It does not matter, really, what it was. It affected me deeply, and I feel it had an absolute altering effect on my inner being.
This experience will be one I carry with me for all the rest of my days. I feel I embarked on the most epic adventure of my lifetime in that moment, and I try to remain in a receptive space for Spirit to show me my part in the larger scheme of things to come. It is not the end; it is not even a step away from the end – it is only the Beginning.
Namaste ~
Quirin
(Holly)
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